Life's Journey with Down Syndrome


 
HomeCalendarFAQSearchMemberlistUsergroupsRegisterLog in

Share | 
 

 **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?

View previous topic View next topic Go down 
AuthorMessage
DebbieH

avatar

Number of posts : 1849
Age : 50
Registration date : 2010-02-12

PostSubject: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Wed Jun 02, 2010 11:59 am

**UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**UPDATE**


I invited ALL my Facebook friends to support our family and Reece's Rainbow by joining the FB cause for RR. Low and behold, the lady that this topic is about has joined! Change is happening one person at a time and it is so wonderful to watch as it happens.


~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~~



Seriously, am I the only person who is offended by the use of the R-word even if used in a silly way? One of my FB 'friends' misspelled a word in one of her posts and then made a comment that she was such a "retardo" for the misspelling. Innocent enough I guess but I just had to send her a private message to let her know that the R-word, even used in a silly way, is offensive to ME. I assured her that I was coming from a place of love and education and not trying to chastise her in any way. I just wanted her to know that there are people out there who feel the sting of words like that.

She responded back to me saying that it is the people who use the R-word in a 'bad' way who need to be educated. I responded back in agreement and added that I feel ALL use of the R-word should be stopped. She also used the phrase "down syndrome children" and I'm thinking of telling her to always put the child first and diagnosis second and say "children with Down syndrome" instead. I know I cannot change the world but I can attempt to change the world around me. Maybe I should just drop this with her and un-friend her.

What would you do in a situation like this?


Last edited by momto6kids on Mon Sep 13, 2010 3:10 pm; edited 1 time in total
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://the-scenic-route-momto6kids.blogspot.com
EAS1971



Number of posts : 2116
Age : 46
Humor : lowbrow, juvenile, scattalogical, slapstick ;)
Registration date : 2009-01-26

PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Wed Jun 02, 2010 2:13 pm

It does upset me, even when used in a "silly" "harmless" way. I think most (not all) of us are offended/upset by that kind of usage.

If I were you, personally, I'd pick my battles with this particular friend. I, personally, wouldn't even get into the whole people first thing and Down syndrome child vs. child with Down syndrome. Gotta pick your battles!

Here's what I don't get. Okay, she used the word in what she thought was a harmless way. Fair enough. She didn't know any better. But when you told her it offended you, her reaction baffles me. Honestly, if a complete stranger told me that my use of the word "tree" (or any totally innocuous word) offended them, I'd tell them "Okay and I won't use that word in front of you ever again." I would continue to use the word "tree" around others. But not in front of that person. Why upset someone? Who knows why they are offended. Doesn't matter why. Fact is, they are, so I won't use the word. So, people who come back with, "No, I'm not wrong, I didn't mean it that way, the other people who use it are wrong" absolutely baffle me!!!! Do not get that!!!

But I digress.

_________________
--Beth
Mom to Oliver, 7 (DS, ADHD)
and Sebastian, 6
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://kansasds.forummotion.com/
momofrussell

avatar

Number of posts : 1738
Age : 50
Humor : Same as Beth's! LOL
Registration date : 2009-01-27

PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Wed Jun 02, 2010 3:45 pm

I don't get offended normally....I probably should but I don't. That is just me though.....there are a few times the way it's been used bristled with me, but normally it's such a minor thing in the grand scheme of who the person is, I let it go. I am imperfect and so are they....AND so is my son....so I get it go....

A.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Erin's Mom

avatar

Number of posts : 4141
Age : 50
Registration date : 2009-01-27

PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Wed Jun 02, 2010 4:31 pm

I do not like the R word when it is used to mean "stupid" either..even when used to be silly. I guess I agree with Beth. I think you made your point...hopefully she'll think more about what you said after her knee-jerk response. She was probably feeling a bit defensive, perhaps? If you are fairly good friends with her, I'd just leave it at that and let that sink in some. I think at times it takes people a while to process that this is offensive, especially if they've been saying it for a while, not to offend folks, but by habit. I think when people hear that it is offensive, they think, "well, I didn't mean it offensively, so how can it be offensive"....bla bla bla...LOL. You know the story. We just have to keep spelling it out and hope they "get it'. But I personally would not bother with the "ds children" at this time because she didn't even get the first thing you pointed out to her. I'd rather she really hear you on the first thing before adding to it, you know? Hope that helps Smile. And I'm sorry. Kris
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://partyofnine9.blogspot.com/
DebbieH

avatar

Number of posts : 1849
Age : 50
Registration date : 2010-02-12

PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:35 pm

I've kept quiet about saying anything regarding her saying 'Ds children' for now. But if she keeps saying it..... I am still so new to all this and my feelings are pretty raw. I'm praying I can show grace to people when they simply do not know what to say or how to say it. It just really stings when I hear the R-word in any form or fashion. I appreciate everyone who responded. It helps me put things in perspective.
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://the-scenic-route-momto6kids.blogspot.com
Carson's Mom



Number of posts : 6453
Age : 35
Registration date : 2009-01-26

PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:48 pm

I would have been annoyed as well. I try to pick my battles - but if I don't know people very well and they do that I have to admit I just hide them so I don't have to read it anymore. As far as the DS children- I don't normally say anything, I just repeat what they say and instead say "children with DS" without correcting them hoping they will hear the difference- some do, some don't. I never correct people on that though. I have gone on FB and seen "short bus" jokes and nicely sent a private message only to have the person be insulting back with her reply. I slammed her behind all over the place- but, I knew I could- and she KNEW she was wrong. She lives in my neighborhood and supposedly loves my child and thought that crap was funny- don't know if she still laughs at the jokes or not, but, I do KNOW she would never put it on FB. She will never be able to laugh like she used to either I assure you. This girl had taught Carson in Sunday School and kept begging me to allow him to go to the daycare she ran- never would that happen. I try hard to remember that prior to Carson my thoughts on the matter would be different- and try to give people a little grace, but, sometimes it just makes me angry. Whether I say something or not, I must admit, I never forget it. They have one shot- if I hear it again I don't waste any more time on them.

Kayla

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile
Carson's Mom



Number of posts : 6453
Age : 35
Registration date : 2009-01-26

PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Wed Jun 02, 2010 6:50 pm

Debbie, I have to admit I am much more tolerant today than I was at first. I probably would have nailed her behind to the wall when Carson was first born- and been sorry later- maybe.

_________________
Back to top Go down
View user profile
billandria

avatar

Number of posts : 440
Age : 40
Humor : LOL
Registration date : 2009-07-30

PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Sun Sep 12, 2010 4:15 pm

I find it hard to point that out to friends just because I haven't quite figured out how to, no matter how gently. I'm not a very direct person by nature. I use my blog and facebook to send that message that the r-word is not ok. Debbie, you did what I would theoretically do to correct a friend. Here's something a friend posted on facebook recently and i thought I'd share it here too. http://davehingsburger.blogspot.com/2010/08/people-who-are.html
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://billandria.blogspot.com
kittycat3376

avatar

Number of posts : 277
Age : 41
Registration date : 2009-01-27

PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Sun Sep 12, 2010 5:14 pm

I find it much more effective to make my point in a general post instead of directing it at a person. You'll see a good example example if you go check out David's buddy walk fundraising page http://www.firstgiving.com/davidlucas , when nobody is singled out and it's just a general request it's a lot harder for anyone to get defensive about it.
Back to top Go down
View user profile
DebbieH

avatar

Number of posts : 1849
Age : 50
Registration date : 2010-02-12

PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   Sun Sep 12, 2010 5:45 pm

Christina, VERY well put! Love it!
Back to top Go down
View user profile http://the-scenic-route-momto6kids.blogspot.com
Sponsored content




PostSubject: Re: **UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?   

Back to top Go down
 
**UPDATE** Am I the only one who is offended by the R-word even if used in a silly way?? **UPDATE**?
View previous topic View next topic Back to top 
Page 1 of 1
 Similar topics
-
» Haleigh Cummings Update – Radio Wrap Up For Jan/31
» Pat Brown update
» Find Madeleine site update Day 1827 3 May 2012
» Update on CPP Disability Info Confirmation That Sisip LTD Will Require
» Update of Nov 16 & 17 Court Case

Permissions in this forum:You cannot reply to topics in this forum
Life's Journey with Down Syndrome :: Things to think about! :: Down syndrome awareness-
Jump to: